AR Rahman, Resul Pookutty, Pinki, Gulzar

Thanks.... Thank you so much.... The One Billion Indians are happy for you all ... When you got your Oscars and recognition on an International platform I only had to remember our Pledge...

"All Indians are my Brothers and Sisters" As a fellow citizen, I was happy, overjoyed and on Cloud Nine....


Now when all of us are basking in the glory of their Victory, you would be shocked to read the Wishes sent out by the honorable CM of Tamilnadu

"இசை என்றாலே தமிழில் புகழ் என்றுதான் பொருள். அந்தப் பொருளுக்கு ஏற்ப பூத்து, மலர்ந்து, புகழ் பெருக்கி இன்று சிகரத்துக்கே சென்று, சிரித்த முகத்தோடு நம்முடைய வாழ்த்தக்களைப் பெறுகிற, சென்னையில் பிறந்த செல்வன் ஏ.ஆர்.ரகுமான். இவருக்குக் கிடைத்துள்ள ஆஸ்கார் விருதுகள் கண்டு முத்தமிழே முறுவலிக்கிறது.

"சிறுபான்மை சமுதயாத்தைச் சேர்ந்த இந்தச் செல்வம் இன்று ஆஸ்கர் விருதுகளைப் பெற்றதன் மூலம் தரணி வாழ் கலைஞர்கள் உள்ளத்தில் எல்லாம் இடம் பெற்றுவிட்டார்.""

The highlighted wish translates as " Though being a minority, you AR Rahman the wealth of TN by winning the Oscar, you have taken a special place in everyone's heart across the Globe"

A question to the CM: Why should you wish him like this? You could have better taken rest in your hospital bed than saying this.

What do I say?

I know Indians.. esp the South Indians go frenzy about their Matinee Idol.. but this one was byfar too much to digest... Last Week I had been to Chennai and this is what I saw in the Alwarpet Signal.


Well for your benefit let me spell out what's been written there

Muthamizh Aringarin Mootha Magan M.K.Muthu avargalin Pudhalvan M.K.MArivunidh avargal " PERUMAL" padathil paadiya "Kaadhal Vaibogame" Remix paadal ulagengum kaettu magizha manamara vaazhthugirom
Ippadikku Agila Ulaga Arivunidhi Rasigargal Narpani Manram


For those who cannot understand what it is, it roughly translates as

" Shri. Shri. Shri. M.Karunanidhi eldest son M.K. Muthu and his loving son and the grand son of shri. M.Karunanidhi, Mr. M.K.M Arivunidhi has sung his first song Kaadhal Vaibogame ( remix) in the Movie "Perumal". We the ardent fans of him wish the Song a great success.

Your Truly: Arivunidhi's world wide fan and welfare association.

Now tell me what do I have to say for this?

Pissed and Pissed Off

Have you ever felt pissed off? I do not mean to say have you ever had the urge to Pee, but I mean... do u feel like pissing at a situation? Now count the no. of times you had wanted to Piss off!

I know some of you had wanted to piss in your Boss's face... that's not good. Ok. This one year of hiding had taught me that I should never think something on those lines.... I have learnt to piss whenever I had the urge to Piss in my boss's face. Promise. Period.

Now after all this pissing around, let me come to the post. Long long ago, so long ago and I know how long ago I was locked inside a room. A 10 x 15 room with windows facing the empty plot behind our house. This happened when I was 25 years old. (Don't ask me whether those who did this to me, took a revenge on me. For, till this day I have the same doubt and those whom I doubt swear by god that it was an accident.)

A few of my relatives had landed in our home sweet home for a relative's wedding. I was already angry with them for they carried no gifts for me but only for the bride. Add to it, their daughters were adorned by my mom as if they were Godsend. Aarrgh. The elders left to the Marriage venue which was very close to my house. We the so called younger ones were to leave the home on time.

All I did was went upstairs as per my mom's instruction. She wanted me to check if the lights and fan have been switched off. I went. I checked. and I was far away from the visibility of the doors entrance and was eating some goodies I had smuggled from my mom.

Knowingly or unknowingly, someone ( till date no one is ready to confess even after several scrutiny) came. Closed the door locked and left. I, all the time assumed it was the wind that blew the door. 10 mins from then I tried opening the door. Gosh! It was locked.

I mean the door was locked and all of the other monkeys had left by then. I banged and banged and banged. All in vain.

That is when I understood the meaning of feeling pissed off. Adding more oil to the fume, my bowels got full and I had to Pee. Immediately. What do I do? There's no way anyone is going to come home. For sure my mom and dad would not go in search of me. I can bet my head on this.

As the seconds passed to minutes and minutes to a hour, I was struggling. One more minute, I know my urinary system and all the controls I had on it till then is gonna break. That's when I took the toughest decision in my life. I went to the corner of the room. Peed.

After almost 2 hours, my relatives, my parents and the rest of the monkeys ( inclusive of my kid sister and the other 2 girls) came home. They laughed. Laughed and laughed their hearts, stomach, kidney and liver out.

Oops. Now stop giggling. Nope. Don't... Don't smile. Okay, Be good. Be decent. Else go Piss off!!!

This could be smelly....Its Shit!!!!

The title is a Warning... Whatever you read below is at your own risk and not my fault

Well, before going in to the post let me tell you on what and who this post is? Do you Poo daily????

If Yes, Where do you Poo? At Home. At Office or Anywhere, whenever you get the call.....Well if it is at Office then this post is for you....
If No, Please dont sit and read this. GO and Meet a Good Doc.

All Office Pooers ( also read it like me) have you ever admitted to your colleague sitting near youe cubicle that you Pooed and had mesed up the Loo???? Practically none of us would have done that... ( Include Me in it). The most dificult times are when you are in the mid of a meeting and suddenly you feel something hot and heavy boilng under your belly threatening to burst out of your Pants any moment...

Times where you adjust and sit in your seat trying to ease of the Pressure, bend in the front when all your hairs in the hand stand upright....Whoffff....

I have always wondered how this could be managed....And then I got the answer..Yahooo!!!For those who hate pooing at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at work.

CROP DUSTING
When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but
doesnt know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled.Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.

FLY BY
The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooing. Walk in and check for other pooers. If there are others in the
bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

ESCAPEE
A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a
sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAIL BREAK
When forcing a poo, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare
everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH
The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poo hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time the poo has to
stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME
Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very
uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOER
A colleague who poos at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooer enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under his or her arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooer before entering the bathroom.

THE POOING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N)
A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooing goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Pooers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVENS
A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooer of your sex entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR
Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most
shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poo at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH
A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE
A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooer can poo in
peace.

WATERMELON
A poo that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a
Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

CHICKEN CURRY
A case of diarrhea that creates series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using Camo-Cough with an Astaire.

BIG BROTHER
A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. A BIG BROTHER makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to poo when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.

Down the memory lane

Well, Let me first apologise for not updating regularly. But today I decided come what may, I would Wish You all....Each and every on of us carry some sweet memory of some new year...Here is what that happened some years back.....

I think at that time I was in 9 or 10 STD. I had an elder sister then. Infact she was not like me. She was very good looking, talented and on the contrary she was very intelligent. On that year, she had joined college.

Unlike me who would go back home a bit early to late night, she comes home on time ...somewhere between 4.00 - 5.00 pm. If she would be coming late, she would keep my mom posted.

Date: Dec.31...
Time: 6.00
Mom's position: Running between the entrance to Kitchen and to the terrace to have the view of the road. Poor thing not even once did she remember then that the coconut trees around my home would hide the view. I saw her jumping to get the view of the road...

Time:6.30 pm
Mom's position: Seated at the entrance. Actually i called her inside. But I think she was enjoying the kisses from all the mosquitoes.

Time: 7.00 pm
Mom's position: Running between Street corner and house. That was when the girl in the next street came to see my sister....I had nick named her as Kanchenjunga...dont ask me the secret of that name, then I would forced to say a lie that it was her teeth....

KJGA: hi bee. call ur sis.
Me: Whoa. So you have come home is it?
KJGA: What r u trying to say?
Me: It means she hasnt come home as yet. Wait lemme call my mom
My mom: KJ, did you both not come together?
KJ: Ho, no autny..actually i didnt go to college today.
( I very well knew that it was a lie. JUst before she had told me that my sis left on time and that she had been to the library.)
Me: Is it? Oh OH!!
With that she stared at me and left my worrying mother more worried.
Me: Amma, I think she would have eloped with someone...
My mom: Dare not speak about my gal to me...k...
Me: Ok..She escaped...and am like the monkey stuck in between...

Time: 8.00 pm...
Mom: In the verge of crying..
ME: Mamma look here.. i know she doesnt have the guts to elope...but you have to think of other options as well...May be some one could have kidnapped her...
Mom: Please will you stop that nonsesnse
Me: Yeah! I only want to but...
Mom: What will i say to your Dad?
Me: There u are...so you are worried that pappa would scold you is it?
Don worry I will call him up and tell him...( that time my Dad was placed at Vadodara..)
Mom: shut up!

I wasnt bullied or never felt insulted.. afterall she is my mom. she has every right to say it...
Me:Huh! If they had kidnapped her, why no one has called us to ask for ransom?
Me: Lets hope that they dont spoil her....

Thud ....oh that was the sound of the bat which she threw at me...

Time: 8.30 pm
Mom: Took a cold bath. Came out shivering. Prayed to our Lord for her safe return. You know the funniest part was, she wanted her priceless daughter for just Re. 1/- which she tied in a small yellow cloth and kept it it the hundi...

Time: 8.45 pm
My sis returned...She was all smiles...not worried, there was no ounce of tension that she had been late...she walked in cooly...
After all the shouts and arguments.. she had been to her friends place.. she had called us..no one answered the phone.. so she taught that we have all gone out and that she would come a bit late. SHe had been tryin and tryin till 8.15 and after that she had started from her friends place. Hoping to fight with us for leaving her.

Incidentally the phone was out of order from noon. She certainly didnt know....

That's the end of the story...
Wish you all a Happy Happy and a Most happening NEW YEAR...............

What happened then?

The answer to that Question is in the last line.....But if you go to the last line first.. you will not be able to relate and understand a thing of what am trying to say......Better go by the rules.. read the post first....

Let me explain what happened to me first.... Why I have been posting very little these days...?Well do you all remember that my sis got engaged in September? Yup.. She got married last week at Chennai.

Normally marriages are fun. That too if you have a partner thinking on your lines.. then that would be double fun.. Here the Grooms elder sister ( Mrs.VK ) was that partner for me...We had the last say in each and every thing the bride and the groom did....In every marriage.. if it happens to be your very close relative... in my case its my sis.. you would know about the Nuptial Night...The much hyped but played low part of any Wedding could be th Nuptial Night and the preperation.......

That I had an equally good partner.. we did our best to spoil the mood(!!!!) of the night for the newly weds.....Naughty Naughty.. dont think bad man..

All we did was took a couple of Alarm Clocks...kept the alarms to blare at 30 mins regular interval...All the alarms were placed in different non guessable places and celotaped tightly so that they cant switch it off immediatley...Then what we did?????

Nothing Much we just emptied A Big ketchup bottle into a Ziplock Bag and placed it under the mattress...Psst.. You should have seen my sis face the next day morning she was as red as the Ketchup....Then What???

We removed the memory card from the Digicamera.. Placed it diagonally above the Bed....Switched the Cam on....Called them at 11.20 pm... promptly she attended the call for she wanted to shout at me for the Ketchup Mess......and this is what happened

My sis took the call.. the call was on the speaker mode

ME : Hi di! Whats happening?
She : How could you do this to me?
Me : Hey No...I didn't do anything.. Rather its he who's gonna.....
She : Stop it! Will you? You two made a mess.
Me : Now dont shout. I just called to wish you a Good Nights Sleep ( I chuckled)
She : ( Irritatingly) Is it? Oh! Thanks...Bye then
Me : One Second....
She : Now What?
Mrs. VK : Hi da... sorry to have bothered you.. but we wanted to know if everything is fine...
She : ( Painfully smiling- remember its her sis-in-law) Yes...Thank you...
Then she gave the phone to her Man...
He : (to his sis annoyed to the core) What the hell do you want now? The day doesnt end here...I will speak to you tomorrow morning
Mrs VK : Fine. I just called to warn you.
He : Warn Me! of What? What ever happens I will take care...
Mrs. VK : Just now I got a news that a Digicam was placed in your room.. I dunno where....
HE Interrupted.....
He : What? What did you say? A Camera...? There was total Silence........after a few seconds Holy Shit.......Yes its there .......Its you two right.....If anything of all that had happened ow has been recorded....My dear sis.. I dont mind going to prison tomorrow.. you both wont be alive to see the sun rise.......

Mrs VK : Darling Brother I heard the rumour... Promise you it wasnt us......
The time was 11.30 pm...Our first Alarm went out
He and She together: Ammah.....( they screamed )
We: Anything wrong..Do you want us to come there........

Tup... He cut the phone....

Had the thing been arranged at the Mandap... we would have bursted crackers every time they switch on the lights....Shucks I missed it!!! Should I all tell you what happened the next day morning....?

If anyone of you is getting married in the near future, Please do Invite me. after all Am not as bad as you all think.

NO ONE KNOWS....

Bubai Blogspot... Contd.,

As Promised......On Friday.....Cheer up Guys.......The new Link is Ready......What more.... Just Click Here....

10 cms. x 500 cms.

I have been reading blogs here and there....Almost 90% of all the blogs I read... or the ones that i get linked to has discussed of all the things about Toilets... Potty Training...Toilet Paper...Toilet Soaps.....Ooops such smelly posts.. yuck......

Well, if you are thinking what I have been thinking to write...I want to remind you that I am writing this because I dont have anyother topic to write today....

Its not the Poop ( Yuck!) am gonna write its the paper that we use to scratch our ass ...Does the toilet paper companies honestly think we enjoy wiping ourselves with sandpaper? Do we really need suffering after we shit? More to it, I still dont understand the logic in having a scented, coloured toilet paper.....

But one use I find is to write phone numbers or to do some rough calculations......while am inside the Toi...Arrey, I mean I use the unused ones....Like S4n705h, I too enjoy reading books inside the Toi...have anyone of you tried doing it? No. try it and you would thank me for it. Your creative levels would reach its best inside...

Have you ever imagined if by all of a sudden there is a demand for toilet paper...In other words there is shortage of Toilet Paper....What would happen if the World has a sudden crisis for Toilet paper...

In the International Front:

Bush could blame that it was OBL's secret mission that has been well executed...He would press his claim to send Troops to Iraq. For, it was only in Iraq, the late Saddam Hussein concieved this plan...

Condoleeza Rice would take on a World Tour pressing the charges against OBL discreetly threatening the developing nations of US Ban if they dont stand by the US Claim.......

A special TP Tax ( Toilet paper Tax) could be introduced by Gordon Brown and could unanimously passed by the British Parliament....

Australia could well find the terror links leading to the sudden crisis.

China would announce that they have banned usage of Toilet Papers as its against their Communist Principles..

In India:

The Indian PM, MMS would convene an All party meeting headed by SG.

CPI would pressure the Government against the sale of Toilet Papers in India. Prakash Karat would head the Nation Wide Protest condemning the usage of Toilet paper.

Karuna, could go on a hunger strike asking to the Goverment to intervene in the sudden crisis for Toilet paper...He would be met my the leaders sent by SG with a special message that they support his cause and assure to take necessary inititatives.

JJ would seek the immediate intervention of the SC to ban the hunger strike. In her report she would claim that had it been her Government it would not have let down the hopes of the TN people. It was the wrong move of the minority Gov. in TN that has led the people to be smelly.

JD(S) united could well put the issue of Toilet papers in their run for the Karnatka CM seat in the coming elections. Devegowda could well sleep on this issue.

Amitabh could give a speech for or against Toilet papers based on the sponsorship deal he is to sign.The same could be marketed br Bharat Bala in the best interest of the Indian People.

What more.. NDTV would conduct an SMS survey..... Burkha Dutt would report straight from the heart on India Questions.....

God I never knew that a 10 cms x 500 cms long toilet roll would have so much implications....

Note: Of all the things i receive via mail, I have been asked to take part in this survey...Its your turn guys.....Go ahead!!!

Ho! What a day? or is that Night?

Been to Coimbatore for the Weekend!!! My friends Birthday. Had an amazing time. It was a surprise visit to her place. Like me she is also a nomad. CBE is her work city. She never knew that I would be coming in. The arrangements had been made by one another common friend of ours. I reached CBE around 11.00 pm. Was picked up at the railway station and we drove straight to her hostel. Obviously turning whenever there were turns in the road.
She was the only with whom I had the opportunity to play my pranks...
I was outside her room. Called her at 11.55 pm.

Me: Hai Di!
She: Hi ( Sleepily)
Me: Just called to say Happy Birthday Darling Wife!!( Ho! I forgot to tell you that among us I call her my wife and she calls me her hubby)

She: Thanks Purusha...Any plans coming to CBE?
Me: Nope! ( All this time I was standing outside her room

We were talking then I gently tapped her room door. She was so engrossed in talking to me she didn't hear the knock. I had to tell her that I could hear a knock... She sheepishly got out from her cot.

The corridor was awake with a Zero Watts bulb. Even before she could open the door I left the place. Myself and our other friend burned some incense sticks and snake tablet. As she walked out we made noise from the anklets...

She : Who' that?
Silence
She: Is anyone there?
Silence
She went to the switch board to switch the Tube light... I made a growl...Uuuuuuuuu....and giggled...
She : Oh No.. Shit..( Went back and closed the door) All the time I was in the phone line
Me: Hey who was that?
She: Dai Purusha am afraid di. I heard a girl walking with an anklet.
Me: Let her wear. Whats your problem?
She: No di. There was no one around

I banged her room door.

She: Ammmmmmmmaaaaaaaaa
Me: Hey! Cool. Ask who is this?
She: No. I wont am afraid. This thadi maadu ( Big Bull - her colleague) she is sleeping like a pig here...Not waking up..
She: Josh, get up di. Chk who that is. am afraid.
She II: Please di. am sleepy. You chk for yourself. (She knows the plan)

She: Who is that? Am sleeping.
ME: Closed the phone piece. Hai Di Pondatti ( Wife) Its me!!!
She: Bee, some one is standing outside my room door and speaking just like you.
I was banging harder with my leg. Open the door. I say open the door.
Me: Dont be a stupid. Go open the door.
She: No I wont.
ME: Whats happening there. Now dont be afraid dear. Relax. and go open the door.
She: Ho No.
Me: OK. Now open the door. I will stay online and will talk till dawn if you want. Dont worry am there...

There she opened the door. The coloured cake was ready and bang she opened the door. She was in all colours. The rest was all fun from there. And this was one pic which I took after cake cutting....

NOW THAT YOU ALL KNOW .. pART iI WOULD BE CONTIUED TOMORROW

I was maddened

We girls were having a good time last Sunday at Hostel. Though we had everything, something was missing. That was the time we were hungry as well. It was sometime after 9 pm. WE had just completed our dinner. All we wanted is to munch something. Chackoo asked me to call the Spencer’s Daily, which was near to my hostel. I called up to inquire about store hours. We also had our own doubts whether the store is open on a Sunday. The most amazing and unexpected conversation transpired over the phone. So amazing that I wished I had somehow recorded the conversation.

Store Employee: Hello, thank you for calling [Blah Blah Blah], how may I help you?
ME: Are you working today?

Store Employee: Pisst…!!! why are you my reporting manager?

Me: Huh… like I wanted to know if the shop is open on a Sunday.

S.E. : Now that I have taken the call, hope you know the answer.

I was getting so dumb. I controlled my rage and continued my speaking. By this time around the girls around me started to search for my missing nose!!!

Me: How long is the store open?

S.E.: Look, as long as we are made to s(h)it here, the entire long store is open. But tell me, Why do you want to know? Why would you want to know about our working hours?

Me: I’d like to come to your store…Can I come now? S.E.: That’s a stupid question. Anyone can walk in as long you don’t shop lift!!! Me: I did call a store, yes?

S.E. : Yes, this is [Blah Blah Blah].

Me: Okay great, I’d like to come in and look at what you have for sale and possibly maybe even buy some stuff.

S.E.: Coool (Blame it on Shankar or Rajni…. But this thing I just couldn’t digest)
Me: Do you sell.. (Click… the line went dead)

Me: I actually wanna buy some goodies…I wanted to check

Me: Okay, thanks anyhow.

What do you have to give me now?

One of my friend has given me an exercise . She had a series of Questions with her hoping to get an answer from me!!!! I was pestering her for a good title to write...I never thought she would use this chance to dig me out... Not even the school question papers have made me wonder and think… Here is to you dear KS (yes! My room mate!!!)

If I give you

Rs. 1, 00,000/- and ask you to eat the food our Hostel Warden cooks?

Ask me to die. I would do it. Don’t insult me.

Rs. 1, 00,000/-, would you walk naked for a half mile down a public street

Oh! God! I have done that. I never knew people would get paid for this. I have even danced in the road and cried and made a lot of fuss over everything. I was about 2 yrs. old then….

Rs.100, would you kiss another girl?
Arrey… I have done this many a times yaar…Ask my sis….
Aaaaaarrrrrrrgh... Do you mean lipology Kiss? Hmmm… gotta think.. Don’t you feel Rs. 100/- is too low…???

Rs. 1000/-, would you spend a night inside the bathroom?

Yes I would.*

* Conditions apply

Rs. 10000/-, would you shave your head?

How many times you wanna me to shave. Tell me.

Rs. 50000/-, will you have sex with a member of the same sex?

What a bloke you are? NO. I won’t. If you could add another zero in the last, may be I would.

Rs. 5000/- would you watch Nee, Naan, Nila movie once? You need to watch this movie alone.

* Conditions Apply.

Rs. 1000/- will you take Hot drinks?

Kuduthu Paaru….Please check if they have any Jumbo Pack….

You’re speaking about Coffee right?

Rs. 3, 00,000/-, would you stop working?

That’s what am already doing. But am getting paid still.

Rs.50000/-, would you remain silent for full 24hrs.?

Konjam Kashtam. Suppose i manage 12 hrs. would you still pay me 1/2 of the amount. Even 1/3 is ok with me.

Rs. 100000/- would you stop blogging?

Is this KS or Vigneswaralu?

Well whoever it is, I would. Do you mind giving me an additional 50 K?

Condition:

* Give me a book. Give me a room spray, a chair and a Flask full of Coffee.

What do I do Now?

I have been trying and trying... Trying, trying and trying... ever since I started blogging... It is that yaar... The one that Scribbler has got! The one that Abru has got… every time I try, I land up miserably….I have lost my patience… I even sort the blogger help... It didn’t work out... Now without any help... I seek your all of your help…probably whoever can help me…

For the help rendered, you will be rewarded. Guess what the reward would be... A Big Thanx…!!!

Now tell me... Oh! Haven’t told you what I want is it? Or are you still putting up a show that you don’t understand…? Even if you haven’t understood that, I would call you a dumb head or an empty head... Coz I know the help that am asking does not need too much of brains.. Other than that I also know that those who read this column, doesn’t have the so called kidney err… the BRAIN inside…

If I consider you all to be empty headed and brainless what am I …? Why am I not able to help my self..?! Ahem! Don’t you know that sometimes Genius become fool...?!!!! this is one such incident …!

My dad once came to my school once. That was when I was in 5^th Std. I was called as a lazy girl at home. Not taking any effort to open the book even.

He: Is my girly trying?

Miss: Very trying.

I didn’t understand the meaning of her reply then. But now, if someone asks you this about this post, No wonder I would get the same reply.

So, what is that I was trying to do in my blog space? Heh….Heh… He… AM just unable to add my profile logo. I tried adding the flickr one… from the machine… no way... it isn’t allowing me… I need to check with the Google whether it thinks me to be a competitor?

So, its high time Scribbler tells the secrets…

Reflections: Feminism!

The other day I was reading this post by Mad Momma. Her writings are usually about her children and she is into serious writing unlike mine – Stupid Writing. Never have I thought that I would one day start thinking! ( if you have clicked that link, read the Die Hard Portion)

So what is this Post all about? It’s about MEN. Now stop thinking its one another failed flirt story of this poor bee! This post is about those Men who are becoming more fashionable than ever. And some more tips to make them LOVELY!

Blame it on Abhishek who has grown his hair and wears a band! Or Blame it on Vijayakanth and Vadivelu for their openness in wearing lipstick. In the contest of looking more gorgeous, sexy fashionable AB is being closely followed by SRK.

Ahem! Vijayakanth and Vadivelu still cannot beat the man who mastered in Lipsticks. It’s none other than our Village James Bond Ramarajan. Look at the pic above: S.J Suryah is known to give a tough time to all ladies around! Stop Being Crooked! I mentioned the long chains he is wearing. The other apparel which no other Man had tried and the one popularized by Vadivelu is the Nose Ring! Isn’t he looking gorgeous in that?

These men of Tinsel Town are the ones making this Bee think. Am actually thinking what else these Men could try!

Costume: I actually thought of a Chudi! But, the Fashion Designers have done little alteration and have already introduced Kurtas. With those long lovely Duputtas. Remember Saif and SRK in Mahi Ve! And many other Songs. So we are now left with Saree and dress. What they can now do with a Saree is clip it in their pant waist. Pleat it neatly and bring them from behind and hold it as if they are Kings. Preferably a Short Kurta and Jean would go well for this. If they chose a dress, fink floral dress with a matching hat…They will be the coolest!

Apparels: The chain, the nose ring, bracelets, big eye catchy rings, ear ring all these add on which the girls were using to look gorgy, sexy and adorable are under the permanent usage of MEN. The only thing left is the Anklet. Now men can have anklets stitched to the bottom of their trousers. IF they want they also have the option of Belly Button and eyebrow piercing (Has somebody already used this!)

Cosmetics: If lipsticks can take a permanent position so can the nail polish. If you are not sure how this would work, the work on Nails for Males have already started. This also includes Manicure. Now the options left are Eye liner or Eyelash.

Walkers: If everything could be added how could we leave the Shoe? Men can suggest neatly embroidered or hand painted Designer Wear Shoes!

So what the ever beautiful women do when they have such tough contest now! Hmm... they can wash their faces in cold water, comb the navy cut or business cut or come bald like Bruce Willis he only exceptional in Men.

Hey Girls! We can now take home the long hairs, kerchiefs, lip smacked tissues, lip printed cups of our guy! Also, you can catch him if he ever takes a quick cat walk. Forgot! He has his anklets buddy!

What do I do?

Look here mates, I wanna write something today. I was thinking on what to write. But this was going inside my mind.



Me: Ha.. what to write today?

My Good Mind ( MGM): Huh- let me see if i can help you.

My Bad Mind ( MBM) : Bee, you are no Salman Rushdie or Mario Puzo.


Me: Ayyo! am unable to think on any topic. Shall i skip today?

MGM: Look, you have started writing. Don't stop it.

MBM: For once, the reading community is saved. Pls. Pls. Pls stop it.


Me: Can I write about food?

MGM: Thats a good Idea. See you have now decided on a theme.

MBM: Why not you also write about the first time you drank.....?puuuuupp( this is the sound of bad mind's laugh) ... that would be one great thing!


Me: Oops! am confused!

MGM: Cmon dear. Listen to what your brain has to say. Not by your heart.

MBM: Brains! what is that?


Me: Nope! I can't do it today. May be tomorrow.

MGM: OK dear! Take rest. Think well. You still have it in you.

MBM: Appada.. Sigh! this is the best decision of all you have done today.

Anyway, if you guys want me to write on any particular thing. Lemme know. If I have brains, I will try to write.

Jogging Good or Bad?

Do you go for an early morning Jog daily? Do you remember the 1^st time you went? It was way back in 1996. I had just completed my 12^th Board Exam. C’mon stop calculating how old I would be now! Am just 23 yrs yaar! Even the prev. year I was of same age and next year also I would retain this. The issue here is no one should ever think that Bee lies.

Well coming back to the topic, I didn’t know what to do then. One thing I made it clear with my Dad that I will not be writing Engg. Entrance. How would I? All I wanted to, was to become a Good House Wife! Yes! Even then I was the same! One fine evening Ms. Tun- Tun (identity sealed!) came to my house. She invited me to join her in the ritual which she does to become slim and good looking like me!

As it is I had no work and enough time, I joined her. I got my track suit, the shoes ready. I asked my mom if she could prepare sweet lime juice and give it. Ahem! She declined. Early morning at around 5.00 am she came and woke me. The whole night I was thinking of the jog I dozed off only around 4.00 am. Somehow I managed and we started. The issue started right in front my house gate. I took my cycle. She looked at me as if am mad!

Tun Tun: Bee darling, I think we are going for a jog. Don’t you know that?

Me: Huh-em I know. But how about going to the stadium in my cycle and we can jog inside the stadium.

Tun Tun (T2): Why is it that you always oppose? When I want to go east you wanna go west? I fear that there won’t be anyone inside the stadium at 5.00 am!

Me: Look here! This is the way I had dreamed. Do you want me to jog with you or not? She finally had to give up. She pulled her cycle and we started!

She is 2 yrs. Elder to me. How could I tell her that I have a guy who’s been seeing me for that past one week! If I go by her route I should cross his house. What if he thinks that am growing fat and if he stops seeing me! He should be 4 yrs. elder to me! He fell into the TDH category ( Tall, Dark, Handsome) I suppose he was doing his Engg.

The was a little breeze. I was enjoying it! Suddenly I strained my eyes and was petrified at what or whom I was looking at? God! It was him! Inside the stadium, right in front of me! I cursed myself for suggesting here! Shucks! With this I wanted to show him am athletic so started to jog fast. I was going a bit ahead of T2. He came along.

He: Hi G.M.!

Me: Hai! Yeah Good morning! (Was blushing!)

He: great! Do you jog daily? Have never seen you here! Am happy to see you here!

Me: I was wondering whether what am hearing is true. Yeah! I don’t come here to stadium. I go to my school ground. (Sweet lies yaar! That was the first time m speaking to him. )

HE: Which standard are you in?

Me: I was angry and happy at the same time. Just completed my 12^th.

One point of time we were running at the same speed and going in rounds together! My heart had already slipped. We were getting to know each other. Poor thing Tun Tun was staring at me for speaking to some guy! She hates guys! After some time he asked me pointing at her:

He: Is she your sis?

Me: No. Why? Why are you asking me this?

He: Relax. Relax. I wanna know if I could propose to her thru YOU? Would you mind helping me? For the past one week I had wanted to ask you. But every time you were always with some one.

Me: Do I look like a messenger or post man to you? I scowled and joined T2. That was the end of it. I didn't even turn to see him after that. (Did you not hear my heart break?)

Next day morning. She came. She wanted me to join.

Me: T2, I wanna join you but am actually feeling healthy. Why don’t you go alone?

She: K fine.

ME: I can join you if we can go to my school ground and not to that stadium. What do you say? (Please buddies am not a cunning person. Am trying to be protective of her. You should understand.)

Update: After that I never told her that incident. He completed his B.E. and went somewhere. This morning I gotta call that she has delivered a baby girl for him. Yes! They are Man and Woman…Shucks Husband and Wife Now!

The Disaster!

I was in my home for the weekend. My dad after going thru my blog felt it’s the time for him to speak it up or is it with me? Ok. Something. We spoke for nearly 1hr. At first when he drove me to beach, I never knew what was in store for me! As we sat down, the first thing I enjoyed was the cool breeze. I, at that point never knew that I would be sweating later!

Even as I type down this I hesitate but cannot resist the temptation to share with you. Lemme introduce my dad to you. He is a Central Govt. Employee. A good citizen. An avid reader. But I never knew that he is a fan of Bruce Cameron! I never thought that this columnist could dampen my life.

Dad: Bee, my child. I understand your plight of not getting married still. I have been going thru your blog. You seem to be much worried about your single status.

(Me: C’mon dad, I was just expecting this. God! The blog has at last started to work in my favour)

Dad: Have you heard about the 8 Simple Rules of Dating my Teenage Daughter? Bruce has actually made me think and re-think my choices for a suitable groom!

Me: What’ that to do with me? BTW am not your teenage daughter! Am well past that and waiting to get married! Who the hell is that Bruce? (Don’t you feel the panic in me?)

Dad: I thought you would always come with a guy and say that you have fallen in love with that guy and you would want to marry him?

Me: Just think dad! Have you ever given me a break! Everyday you would be the one who would come and pick me up! (Gosh! I was exhausted!)

Dad: Look, there are things that I look in a man for you. If he doesn’t fall under that category, how do you expect me to get you married to him?

Me: I lost my temper. Now what’s that you are looking for?

Dad: I have been trying to get a suitable groom. But this is what I look in a guy.

1. He might be the most handsome guy on earth. But when it comes to getting married to you, I would double check him thru a detective agency. He should be a tee to taller!

2. HE should not be a Scientist, an IT guy, A sales person, a financial guy etc., the pay is good. But almost all the guys whom I see go bald at an early age and wear spectacles.

3.HE should be 3 yrs. Elder to you. For this, I will not be able to give your age. I know its not fair to disclose a girl’s age even if it happens to be my daughter.

4.Should not have a good appetite. I say this because: he will have to eat your cooking. If in case he has a good appetite, he should be willing to cook every day and every meal.

5.When I see him for the first time I will not invite him home; it will be in a public place; could be a restaurant of my choice. But, the bill will never be shared. He should be magnanimous enough to pay!

6.When I see him for the first time his dressing counts. He cannot wear a Jeans. I hate it! He cannot wear a trouser with side pockets. No Funky T-Shirts please. I don’t want him in a formal wear either. It reflects that he loves to work more than loving my daughter! He cannot wear a dhoti! He might look outdated and you might think that I have chosen an out of fashion crackpot!

7.I will not be taking you while I meet him. But all our conversations would be recorded. I will give him your photo only after I approve of you and after your mom and sis give their consent.

8.Once everything is finalized and only after that can he talk to you. All your talks should be over the phone only. He should pay your mobile bill. While you are away at office the mobile will be with me!

9.He cannot take you outside. If in case he has to, you will be promptly accompanied by me or by your mom. You will have to sit in the passenger seat behind and if it’s your mom, then she will sit with you. If it’s me, then he should be glad for I will sit next to him. After all he won’t feel lonely!

10. He should have a neat face. I mean...No stubble like AB Jr. and should have a neat trimmed moustache and properly groomed side burns.

And so he continued… it went on and on…. We were in home after that! I was perspiring and went to have a bath as if to wash of all I had heard! I even pricked me hoping that all I heard was not true but I have dreamt! I yelled in pain. My mom came running. Poor thing, she would not what had happened. I wanted to pour out what i had heard. Something inside me was crumpling. Was that my dreams? Dutifully I told her.

Me: Ma, papa just told me the kind of guy he is looking for me? Recited her everything.How is he able to think so weird?

Mom: Bee darling, how could you think that your father for once has used his brains? She grinned and left!!!!!!!!!

I getting married is in the distant future. May be I would be 60 and a Virgin still!

Note: This could be a long post. Blame it on Bruce or blame my dad. But am pathetic.

I dont wanna be Exposed!

It has never occurred to me for once how hard it would be for Ash, SRK, Big B or Tom Cruise and Jolie.... Am speaking about the difficulties in being what they are..

All of my friends whom have spoken or mailed are trying to mollify... Its because am angry and upset...Am upset at being exposed.. all my efforts to keep my identity sealed has gone in vain...

When i started going to drawing class and after my meeting with the alumni, i never thought that I would have to undergo this...All I have done is, I have a blog to write and have decided to own a boutique! Thats it! it sounds simple! It isn't as simple as it sounds...

All these days i was just one another passerby and the posts which i write has given me some unexpected and unwarranted limelight...! I agree! Initially, I have even found it amusing when people called up or write to me just to hear me or receive a mail from me...I have heard that Paparazzi and attention seekers do something unbelievable ....there are some crazy people who would just want to touch their idol... some would want to kiss some would threaten....I thought all those reports are blown up and given to the mass... Now am being made to believe that its all true...

I didn't know what mistake I did... for the past 24 hrs... someone I know not who, has kept me away from my mode of communication.. My Mobile...The technology has always astonished me.. Somehow she has managed to divert all the calls I make to land in her number...Every time I try to make a call, she answers it.. Even with incoming calls I have the same problem...Could this be done..

Is this a prize am paying to become the most wanted celeb? I even blasted her this morning for doing this to me...she says Thank You...Fortunately and to my good luck I have a land line no. thru which am able to call up people.. Its highly tormenting.. Do you have any idea to save me out of this mess? Has the technology improved so much that without the users will and knowledge, all the calls could be diverted? I don't think that even Aamir Khan would be undergoing this after he started his own blog!

She's been persistent and has not changed her words; Let me tell you what she's been saying ever since she started doing this to me: Sorry! The outgoing call facility has been barred for this no. Your credit limit has exceeded. Please pay your bill before the end of this week for uninterrupted Service. Thank You.

Now that I have told you all, am feeling a bit relieved! Oooofh! What can I do now am clueless!

More bang your head reads:
To be(e) or not to be (e); but its not about Pee!
Am Diturbed!

Newton's Law of Motion Proved....!

How far have you excelled in skool.. I dunno.. But how much i struggled to make up with Physics only I know... not to forget Dr. Rajagopal, my Physics Teacher in my Higher secondary... I was made to learn the Newtons Law only in my 11th std. No. No.No. it was actually taught in 6th or 7th am not sure. Its that I dint have time to learn.. I was Bezeee man...!

Well, if I have to say about my Hr. Sec yrs in Physics I will have to ensure that my Teacher doesn't read this! You see I don't like to boast off that I was the brightest star! Actually I stood first. To be more precise, it was from the reverse. He had a robust job in his hand. That is waking me without others noticing.

Now after a loooooong time, I was made to remember the 3rd Law of Motion. For you remembrance, the law states: For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. As simple as it could be. One incident that happened yesterday made me think like a Physicist.

By now you all know that am a goody goody! Yesterday being a Sunday, I along with 2 of my hostel mates decided to go to a temple which is quite far from my hostel. Since we didn't want to return when the sun is at its peak we started early. We went in our bike. We were all dressed to our best. Like us some 3 guys had been at the Temple. After the darshan, when we went around the temple, these guys were like behind us. One of my accomplice, Chackoo ( thats how we call her) got her nerves and if they don't have senses. She didn't ask him But was showing the anger to us. Sheeshu the 3rd one joined her. Being the eldest one I pulled them and we started back.

On our way back we stopped in a Fruit Juice Shop. That was our mistake. While we started from there, to our bad luck, those 2 guys came in their respective bikes. Chackoo was the one who was sitting in my pillion. The guy said Hi! She could have shut her mouth and come! If you think she shouted at them, Am sorry. The tragedy is just for the fun sake she said Bye. WE started from there. Hardly 5 kms we would have traveled, we noticed those 2 guys following us! This is where the 3rd law of Motion comes in to effect!

Action: The Bye said by Chackoo
Equal and Opposite reaction: They following us.

I asked Sheeshu to notice the bike registration no. So that in future if we have a problem because of them, I thought at least we could report! Phew! They had a For Regn. Bike!!!!

Some how we managed to fool them and reached Hostel at around 11.00 am. We should actually been there at 10 a.m.


If you never want to see a man again, say, 'I love you, I want to marry you. I want to have children...' - they leave skid marks. - Rita Rudner

Other Reads to Kill your Time:
# Bee's Numeric Ability under scrutiny
# To be or Not to be Bee!

Lkie I hvae a Porlbem...

Problems Problems Problems.. the probability of Bee getting into some kind of a problem is becoming more.. it is inversely proportional to the rate of transfer of money from her bank account and directly proportional to her becoming poor...

Well, if you dont understand a bit of what am trying to say its either because you dont know mathematical terms or its me who simply doesn't know the meaning of it. In simple terms what am trying to say is I have got a problem. When I try to find a solution the money is fast reducing from my bank account.

Well when I say problems,a m not speaking about Differential Equations or Calculus or Vectors which we ...sorry you all studied in some class....Am speaking about the problem which am facing at the moment.

Once again you are sadly mistaken. When I say am facing, I didn't mean that I was standing in front of a mirror. I normally don't look at mirrors. I just cant afford buying new ones every time it breaks.Does anyone know why the mirrors break automatically when I look at it?

Gosh! coming back to what the issue is. I will have to tell you what happened yesterday.

Me: Boo, I have a problem
Boo: Where?
Me: Eye.
Boo: I know you have a problem. But, tell me clearly. Maybe I will have time to run.
Me: I have a problem in the Eye.
Boo: Oh! I see !
Me: No. I don't see.
Boo: Oh! God! Whats the problem?
Me: I have a blurred vision. I am not able to see things clearly
Boo: Go and See a Doctor
Me: I went and saw him. Even he was looking blurred to me.

I dint know what happened after that. I saw Boo raising her hand. One hour after that I woke up in my room. Why?

To be(e) or not to be(e) but its not about Pee!

Each of us are in one state or the other… Shucks man... Am not speaking about Tamilnadu, Andhra, Kerala…and certainly not solid, liquid and gas state..Its about the state of mind…I am in 3 succinct state of mind... Yes ... Yours truly Honey Bee has Mind.
Best State:
Honey Bee is back from her brief hiatus, which makes her happy. Do yourself a favor and watch out for more interesting reads here.
My best friend has given birth to a baby girl.
To cool of this hotty hot summer I had a Tub of Ice cream.
Worse State:
I paid for the Ice-cream
I have a load of dresses to be washed for this Sunday.
I am expecting all my readers ( phew! Do I have Any?) to click me as your favorite in Technorati!

I will be missing the movie Oceans 13.

My map loco shows readers from across the World. But I am left with No Comments. Hypothetically speaking, No one reads this blog. ( Sigh! Am I wasting my time ?!? )

Everyone around me is getting engaged, married or on their family way. Even after declaring that am Single No Developments. It's simply not working.

Worst State:

Even after reading all this, my father still remains silent. He says he cannot risk a man’s life!...
I received this photo in my mail box. Check it out! If its you, I promise to post your photo!