The Disaster!

I was in my home for the weekend. My dad after going thru my blog felt it’s the time for him to speak it up or is it with me? Ok. Something. We spoke for nearly 1hr. At first when he drove me to beach, I never knew what was in store for me! As we sat down, the first thing I enjoyed was the cool breeze. I, at that point never knew that I would be sweating later!

Even as I type down this I hesitate but cannot resist the temptation to share with you. Lemme introduce my dad to you. He is a Central Govt. Employee. A good citizen. An avid reader. But I never knew that he is a fan of Bruce Cameron! I never thought that this columnist could dampen my life.

Dad: Bee, my child. I understand your plight of not getting married still. I have been going thru your blog. You seem to be much worried about your single status.

(Me: C’mon dad, I was just expecting this. God! The blog has at last started to work in my favour)

Dad: Have you heard about the 8 Simple Rules of Dating my Teenage Daughter? Bruce has actually made me think and re-think my choices for a suitable groom!

Me: What’ that to do with me? BTW am not your teenage daughter! Am well past that and waiting to get married! Who the hell is that Bruce? (Don’t you feel the panic in me?)

Dad: I thought you would always come with a guy and say that you have fallen in love with that guy and you would want to marry him?

Me: Just think dad! Have you ever given me a break! Everyday you would be the one who would come and pick me up! (Gosh! I was exhausted!)

Dad: Look, there are things that I look in a man for you. If he doesn’t fall under that category, how do you expect me to get you married to him?

Me: I lost my temper. Now what’s that you are looking for?

Dad: I have been trying to get a suitable groom. But this is what I look in a guy.

1. He might be the most handsome guy on earth. But when it comes to getting married to you, I would double check him thru a detective agency. He should be a tee to taller!

2. HE should not be a Scientist, an IT guy, A sales person, a financial guy etc., the pay is good. But almost all the guys whom I see go bald at an early age and wear spectacles.

3.HE should be 3 yrs. Elder to you. For this, I will not be able to give your age. I know its not fair to disclose a girl’s age even if it happens to be my daughter.

4.Should not have a good appetite. I say this because: he will have to eat your cooking. If in case he has a good appetite, he should be willing to cook every day and every meal.

5.When I see him for the first time I will not invite him home; it will be in a public place; could be a restaurant of my choice. But, the bill will never be shared. He should be magnanimous enough to pay!

6.When I see him for the first time his dressing counts. He cannot wear a Jeans. I hate it! He cannot wear a trouser with side pockets. No Funky T-Shirts please. I don’t want him in a formal wear either. It reflects that he loves to work more than loving my daughter! He cannot wear a dhoti! He might look outdated and you might think that I have chosen an out of fashion crackpot!

7.I will not be taking you while I meet him. But all our conversations would be recorded. I will give him your photo only after I approve of you and after your mom and sis give their consent.

8.Once everything is finalized and only after that can he talk to you. All your talks should be over the phone only. He should pay your mobile bill. While you are away at office the mobile will be with me!

9.He cannot take you outside. If in case he has to, you will be promptly accompanied by me or by your mom. You will have to sit in the passenger seat behind and if it’s your mom, then she will sit with you. If it’s me, then he should be glad for I will sit next to him. After all he won’t feel lonely!

10. He should have a neat face. I mean...No stubble like AB Jr. and should have a neat trimmed moustache and properly groomed side burns.

And so he continued… it went on and on…. We were in home after that! I was perspiring and went to have a bath as if to wash of all I had heard! I even pricked me hoping that all I heard was not true but I have dreamt! I yelled in pain. My mom came running. Poor thing, she would not what had happened. I wanted to pour out what i had heard. Something inside me was crumpling. Was that my dreams? Dutifully I told her.

Me: Ma, papa just told me the kind of guy he is looking for me? Recited her everything.How is he able to think so weird?

Mom: Bee darling, how could you think that your father for once has used his brains? She grinned and left!!!!!!!!!

I getting married is in the distant future. May be I would be 60 and a Virgin still!

Note: This could be a long post. Blame it on Bruce or blame my dad. But am pathetic.