I have my best laid plans to make the whole planet turn towards us. All of us are speaking about Kam-poo-ter-iza-shun! But has anyone given serious thoughts to it? I tell you, NO. How far has this Kam-poo-ter-iza-shun entered into our homes and in day to day activities? I would say its just 1 %.
The need to change the system occurred to me this morning while i was formatting & recycling my biological system. ( Pls. read it once more if you dont understand! :). The new tek-nol-agy has to have special features. For instance, the remote connected to our home kam-poo-ter should do basic activities at home. Likely, if i Press C - Our home should be cleant. the vacuum cleaner should be remote operated. It has to start on its own, clean, dust and empty the dust bin. Likewise to Iron dresses Press I.Like this many features ... Cooking, Washing etc etc.,
Once these ideas got into my mind, I couldn't resist myself. I rushed outside. Called my dad to share with him my thoughts... He made a big Sigh! and said " I need to check up with the hospital you were born. Got to confirm that the babies didn't get exchanged then!"
First is the Helmet - The act of buying the Helmet shows that yours truly Honey Bee is a law abiding citizen ! :) ( Is it true that the fine is Rs. 100/- if you get caught in one signal and from there on if you get caught its Rs. 300/-?)
I have other doubts. My father has told me, "In Doubt, Ask." Can anyone explain me the reason behind caling Helmets Helmet? For me, the name reminds Lord Yama... If hell could be met by wearing this, why should we wear it at all? WHy not call it Head cover?!?
The Next one is my Mobile. I dumped my previous one for this..This is Nokia's 6275 the new CDMA model. It has all the features I feel essntial. Now am on the lookout for a protective cover for this- A crystal case. The whole of last weekend I roamed T.Nagar and Pondy Bazaar for this. No Gains.
That mentos - I didnt buy. Anyway I ate it.
With all options closed I called up my friend Billy. We spoke for about 30 mins.
Me: HI, Is Billy there?
Ms. X: May I know who you are?
Me: Tell him its Bee. Honey Bee. From India.
Ms. X.: Hey Bee! How are you dear. Tis me, Linda.
Me: Oh hai! Gotta spk. to billy. Could you put me thru'?
( She yells for him, I heard him running down the stairs to pick my call. He hasnt changed a bit.)
After initial inquiries on mutual welfare.. I put across my doubts
Billy: Haan... I had always wanted to help you. You were instrumental in my upcoming. But am afraid that you have been guided wrong. Spelling Bee is a not a contest on your name. Its not spelling B.E.E.
Here in Washington , in our schools, a National Spelling contest is conducted annually. Its a Spelling contest. ( He took some more time to elaborate on the contest. He forgat am on an ISD call. What to do, cant avoid good friends?!?)
Me: Thnx Billy. Bye.
Billy: I have been Inviting you here to stay with me and my wife for a long time now.
Me: I have that in mind. Bye.
He is my long time friend. He lives in Washington and live in his mansion in the Banks of Lake Washington. Did I tell you he and his wife are popularly known as William Henry Gates and Melinda Gates?
What on Earth does our school books teach us? If you take a close look at this pic, you will understand how much has been missed! :)
Ossssh! What happened to me? I think the topic is getting serious. But why is it I am so much in love with eating? Could be the effect of good times spent in hostel eating bad food.
One of my favourite food is Idli. If you are a Idli hater, then it means you havent had the chance to get the rite one.
Take Hot plumpy steamed soft idlis say 4 nos. lay them in a plaintain leaf. Idlis should be cooked in such a way that if you take one idli & hold it should crumple to the size of one mouth full. Most important thing is it has to be white. If you like to add more taste to it, pour gingelly oil on top. Thats it with idlis.
Now coming to the side dishes that go well with this: First and Foremost is the coconut chutney. Haan! the making of this has to be like this. Fine grated coconut. ( Do not grate it till the shell.) Add 2 green chillies to it. One small onion. And Salt. End Product is Pure white Chutney. If you have enough time, make green chutney with corriander leaves. Add large portions of corr. leaves and a small portion of coconut. Thats it! Then comes the sambar. However its made, the sambar should be warm for the Hotty Hot Idlis.
Now the eating part. Take a little piece of hotty hot idli and dip that in the warm sambar, then mix it with coconut chutney..Keep it in your mouth... Isnt it melting inside... Thats the way .. ha ... haa.. I like It.. Ha Haa...
After taking the course ... complete it with a Hot Coffee...AM not talking about Cappucino or Espresso.. Thanjavur Special Degree Kaapi...Isnt the bitter taste of Kaapi lingering in your mouth now?
Love your Food! Enjoy your Food!
Yours truly Honey Bee is in this state today... I should have never spoken to the doc like that. Sigh! Am too sleepy...
From the moment I stepped in to my office this is how I am? It takes the hell out of me to put awake. The problem is I don't have work today. Any other day I would have taken a sip of coffee. A sip means 2 to 3 portions of coffee from a small coffee jar which is just 30 cms high. But today if I am to take it, I'd be sick all over my desk,
I've got the freedom to work at my own pace here. There are no issues, as long as my work gets done. So this is what I've been doing from morning:
1. Checked Mails. Strictly Personal
2. Plugged my Frontech and Listened to music.
(Incidentally, my boss came over at that time. I kept my face so serious..he thought that am working on the new audio files project. Bet you.. my next appraisal is sealed)
3. Spent some useful time at Pantry. ( how could i afford to miss 2 days gossip?)
4. Had a Lemonade.
5. Meddled with the Production Department
6. At the moment Watching You tube in one window.
7. Finally, this Post.
From what I guess the main reason am feeling sleepy is the food I had. And the pills that kills. I never thought that Idlis and a little white tablet that Doc. gave me could be a threat. Incidentally, I started this post hours ago, I have been fighting off sleep ever since so I haven't been able to finish it until now.
Well can you give me any other worthwhile things to do on a sleepy day?
Doing nothing is very hard to do...you never know when you're finished. - Leslie Neilson
Well, due to the excess heat I now have a nose that is there in my face which is drooling. This weekend I had been to home only there I got this cold. We went to my family doctor. I met him after a long time.
I have never felt comfortable in a clinic. The sound of the fan, the smell of the floor cleaner... and seeing people who arent healthy...And above all the Injection.It makes my skin crawl...
Our appointment time came and we went in.He is Dr. Chenni. Have you ever heard or seen people with this name? He is a different character.
I hate him. I will never marry a doctor. He always make a call when I get in.
Me: Ammaa, see his head. He is gone totally bald.
Ma: Ssshh.. Dont open your mouth. He might hear.
Me: Doesnt he know that?
When I should be talking to smarties.. I was sitting in his room listening to him. For What I had been there ...He forgot that... He was loathing on his recent summer trip to Maldives. Who cried to hear all these?
Doc: The trip was so good. Maldives. ... Haa what a place...
(He had a smile.. Was he making fun at me? )
I returned by Sea. I was sea sick.
Me: Oh! Arent you supposed to see sick? If thats the case, then, I gotta see some other doc.
With this he put a stop and asked me "whats your problem Bee?"
I saw my mom taking something heavy in her hand. I heard the doc saying, She has not changed a bit. I didnt know what happened after that. I was lying in my home in my bed.
If you dont understand any of this. Read this
He is a heavy man with a big belly.Whenever I see him walking I always pity his belt. If only it had mouth...!Ok. Coming back to the incident.
Pr.Chief: Had your coffee.
Me: No. Just waiting for you.
Pr. Chief: Sorry. Got an important call. Gotta Go!
(He was perspiring. Should be his Wife.)
Me: Ok. Not a Problem. You just carry on. ( He is already carrying. isn't he?)
Pr. Chief: Bee, check if this cover is for you. The name is obliterated.
Me:No. It cannot be. My name is Honey Bee.
With this he went off. At last I got rid of him. I wanted to go and ask them
What the F#*k is happening? What if he says, Yeah. We are. I wanted to avoid the embarrassment.
What should I do if they say that they were into this? Should I shout at them? Or should I take action against them? I know for sure they will lose their jobs. But for all this, its office. And there's a limit to everything.
With all this going in my mind,I peeped in and walked quietly. Those 2 were standing face to face. Still panting. I controlled my temper and asked, Hey I was here only. May I know what you guys were up to.
The girl replied No madam actually... we were...
Me: What? Temme I gotta Know.
The Man: Madam we changed places.
ME: ( Still with a burning temper) What? What places?
He: We moved the coffee machine and Water cooler to this side of the room madam. Admin wanted us to do. Thats it madam.
Me: Oh! ok.. ( Hiding the surprise and relief)
Sorry just as you even I was expecting a good one. Cant help it.
It’s been a long time since I took leave. So, 2 days back I decided to take a leave. The saddest part of this is, the work gets back logged and I had to finish the work. So, yesterday I extended my working hours till 7+1 pm.
The work load was quite heavy. Don’t ask me how heavy it was, for the house keeping boys, carry heavy things for us. Have you ever wondered why they are called as house keepers when they are actually office keepers?
The office wore a deserted look.There was none in the office but for me and the security. That was what I thought. There was one another person. The Production Department Chief. He came across. I just hate this guy. Thankfully I don't report to him. He is worse than my boss.
Pr. Boss: So, Bee, you missed office yesterday!
Me: No. Not a Bit. Actually I was happy.
After this he wanted to know if I could join him for a coffee. I agreed. Thankfully, he got a call on his mobile he went. I was standing near the Pantry door. I normally don’t eaves drop. I heard something very fishy behind the closed doors of the Pantry. 2 voices – A male and a female. There was only one light lit.
She: haaa… no... no... i.. Aah am not able to ( she let out a sigh ) !
He: Its over. Just be patient.
She: oooo... Hammaaaaa!
He: ok... ok….. Aaaaah! That’s my girl!
She: giggles. Its better now.
Then heavy breathing.
Any Guess, what happened then?!?
To be continued in the next post.
I obliged. But ever since I took the liesense, I never carried it along with me.
For 2 reasons
1. English is the bestest language I know. And with that knowledge I tell you the spelling should be liesense and not license.
2. Moreover, I just couldnt understand why I should lie about my sense to some government staff? Why should i get his approval about my senses? For all my senses are workng properly.
This is what happened at the RTO. There was such a huge crowd. I was astonished, for I didn't know that I had that many fans. Those fans where showing their driving abilites to some man. Maybe they all didn't do well. On their way back, they wished me good luck.
When my turn came, he asked me to write a numerical using my vehicle. My numerologist has asked me never to say that number even. If at all I have to use I either say 7+1 or 9-1;
After I completed my 7th StdI wrote a long letter to my Principal stating my difficulties in studying the 7+1 Std. I also sent in a request him to promote me to 9th std. I also promised to sit in 9th std. for 2 years. We had a series of discussion but he never gave ears to my request and atlast made me study in the 7+1 Std.
I told the RTO my problem that in order to lie about my sense and get an authority from him I would draw any other numeric but for that. He said I did'nt have anyother go. My father who was silent till that time, knowing well my sentiments, asked me to draw a zero followed by another zero under it. I was happy with that. For I knew, I didnt have to draw 7+1 but only 2 zeroes.
The man at the RTO smirked and consented. Finally I spoke the truth but came home with the liesense.
After learning on his good news, I felt it will be worth only if I wish hime in Person. It will not be nice if I don't tell you what happened on my way when I went to wish him in Person. Yeah! I was trying to catch up with him at his office. Where he says he is working as a Pin up boy. On my way, I actually stumbled upon a Cop.A She cop. Had it been an He Cop, we girls know how to make an easy way out.
My car was spotted and stopped. I was whisked from the main road to a tree shade and questioned
She Cop: What's your name?
Me: Honey Bee..
She Cop: Oh ! that sulking person who likes to speak to bricks?
Me: He...He...He... Yes..
She Cop: OH God! Okay wheres your license?
Me: License!Am neither married nor am I a dog? How dare you ask me for license
She Cop:So, R.C.?
Me: No. Am a Hindu.
She Cop: She hit herself on her head. Stupid Female. Dont you know this is one way?
Me: C'mon gimme a break. I do know that this is one way. If only one can go at a time, No one can reach their destination in time.Also, for my sake i cant stop the traffic and ...
She Cop: I did'nt know what went wrong after that. The argument continued for about half an hour. After 30 mins. her hands were full with charges against me. She asked me to pay the dues and pushed me. I fell down. Only to wake up in my room.
Men and Women are interdependent. If so, what is that I like in Men?
If you ask me, the happiest people in the World are Men. Don’t ask me whether it’s the situation before marriage or after. Both Men & Women or either Happy or Married.
What kind of a people are they?
They value their car or bike more than anything. The garage is their place of worship. Car mechanics tell them the truth. They know the shortest route to any place.
They don’t have any difference of opinion between a chocolate and a snack. Either they chew or swallow.Offer free liquor then you are their Hero. For them, a bachelor's party is more Important than Wedding. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Even their wedding dress takes very minimal time to select. Though they are the cause of Pregnancies, they can never be preggy. Even if they have a huge belly, it hardly bothers them.
They go about to veg. market with the most stupid dressing. Still they would be first attended in the market. Their requirements are very minimal. One wallet and one pair of shoes & one color for all seasons. One or Two meal a day. They are never into dieting.At home, they never have to cook or clean or wash.
Dress worn yesterday could be worn to office today, still they are respected. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. People never stare at their chest or their crotch. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
However long trip it could be their entire dress fills in one suitcase. If someone forgets to invite, he or she can still be their friend. The maximum time they spend before a mirror is just a few seconds. The face always retains its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. All they gotta do is shave.
Moreover, they have got the biggest God Made Urinal – The Earth. No wonder men are happier.
Only recently have I started to Blog. How will a budding Writer.. ok ok.. Typer like me will feel secured? There is no security. I am actually trying to get the I.G's appointment. In a day day or two when I meet him, I will have to explain him and convince him to extend security to all the writers and bloggers.
BTW, I should also write a mail to IndiBloggies, not to announce any awards or conduct poll. If in case by any chance I dont get nominated for the Best blogger of the year, am afraid what my fanatic readers would do?I also extend a plea to all my fanatic readers, dont get agitated if anything goes wrong. After all am not for awards, you see...
I had a world on my own.. In that world i created many stories...If its to be called fantasy So be it...Nothing or No one could stop me from dreaming.. Especially My Phsics teacher.. Ask him how many times he had woke me up and asked me to wash my face...
Even before APJ's asked us to dream, I always dreamt. On my way back to home from school, I will imagine all sorts of stories.. I will be everything in that right from saying Action, Cut, Packup... when i learnt about kiran bedi,I develped a story on a Serious Cop.. the list goes on...On what topic you wanna story, I had one.. else Give me a day, I will have one...I was the much sought out story teller for the entire batch mates at my school
At one point of time I had want to start an Idly kadai, I think i was in 5th Standard then... Mind you not a hotel... I had even asked my mom and have pressured her so much to start.. there was a lady who had an idly kadai and there will be so much crowd near her.. She will scream and yell at people when they cheat..I once saw her shouting at a boy.. the boy who tried to seduce me by throwing a rose at me...Alas! I never gave him a chance to date me:)
When Rajiv was assassinated, I wanted to be the CBI director...; After watching the P.C.Sreeram Movie Kurudhipunal, I wanted to join as an assistant for him... this was one aim which continued for a long period...Quite interestingly i later wanted to be a House Wife when I was in 12th.. I was very jealous of my mom, she finishes all her cores in the morning and till i come home, I know she would rest for the whole day.. It was me who had to wake up early in the morning goto tuitions, then to School..and above all I had to study...Mind you, I wanted to be a barber.. thank God! that I didn't become one, think of the men who would come to have a hair cut... but go back home with one ear or a cut neck or bald.. sometimes without their head...
Even now I get the same question, Where do you see yourself 5 years from now... ? Sorry, I neither have a short sight nor a long sight...
History will be kind to me for I intend to write it-Churchill.
I normally get lots and lots of forward mails .. this one was quite interesting.. Hop you all like it.
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied, “ When I am worried about getting nervous at the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.”
So next Sunday he took the monsignor’s advice.
At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.
He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:
Sip the vodka, don’t gulp.
There are 10 commandments, not 12.
There are 12 disciples, not 10.
Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.
David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out of him.
When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don’t say he was stoned off his ass.
We do not refer to the cross as the “Big T.”
When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, “take this and eat it for it is my body.” He did not say “ Eat me”.
The Virgin Mary is not called “ Mary with the Cherry”.
The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.
Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter’s not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy’s.
I may not know much, but I know the difference between chicken shit and chicken salad.
-- Lyndon B Johnson
The thought that I am a girl gives me hell a lot of happiness. In this birth I could have well and good born as a monkey, an elephant or a rhino… why even a boy... Mark Twain says..Man - a figment of God's imagination
Ah... Thank god am a girl.. I have a reason – for this I need to elaborate on the various happenings which happened before god made me.
God after making human beings didn’t exactly what their need was. He was pained at the thought that he was unable to satisfy human needs. In order to know what any human being expects, he made a survey with the new parents who had boys... he asked them what kind of a girl would they expect for their baby boy… in unison their reply was…
“We want a girl who is a girl. Then, by seeing her, my boy should be dumbstruck. She has to be too beautiful that she should be Onida...ie. neighbors’ envy, Owner’s pride …She Should be as intelligent as Kalpana Chawla and as brave as Indira Gandhi ... and so the list continued... it was a long list... the survey was conducted jointly by the A.C. Nelson and Indian Express…
Our benefactor, the savior, our beloved God after continued thinking and after various discussions made yours truly, Honey Bee…J
A woman's guess is much more accurate than a man's certainty.
-- Rudyard Kipling
1. Choose the topic
2. Create a Post
3. Most important task is hide the sources from where I copy...
4. Generate traffic...
the 4th task is what is goin to take the life out of me.. the other day after office hours standing near the car at the complex entrance, I was thinking on various means to generate traffic..
How to put a take diversion symbol?
if so, when the cars, trucks, jeeps bus and lorry they take diversion how will it go upto 5th floor?
to whom i need to take prior permission...
Will the manager expect bribe to get the required permissoin
Or should i take my Kam-poo-ter to the signal just opposite to my office complex... sit there under an umbrella, announce some special summer offers ?
As this was going in my head, the manager of the complex came near me
Mngr: Maa'm, Whats your problem? Can i be of any help?
Me: Haan.. actually i will not have much of a problem if you promise to help me..
Mngr: Sure Maa'm anything for you...
Me: However you want your presents you can have it..in the form of cheq. cash or goods.. its your choice
Mngr.: Not required maa'm.. I will do it for you
Me: You see, Offlate i have started blogging, i'm thinking of various means to increase the traffic.. if i put a take diversion symbol to 5th floor, would you mind that?
Mngr: What is blogging maa'm?
Me: after 30 mins of explanation.. i told him what blogging is and what am looking at.. after hearing everything from me, he said:
Mngr: I dont understand even a single word. But one thing mam, the agni natchatram is yet to start, i pity you...
Me: Cant help it ? He is not as educated as I am?
Then came the cop...Uh! am feelig tierd .. you see its the lunch hour.. i gotta eat.. more on my encounter with cop tomorrow
Everyone knows that letters are personalized ones.. (Splendid Discovery) But I got an open letter… ( to read a letter you need to open.. that doesn’t mean its an open letter you stupid !) I wanted to know this person who sent me this mail.
My Dear Honey Bee,
What a nice person you are.. I really wonder where from you get those ideas to write…
You have this great talent and we friends like you to see go higher and higher in your life…My…my…my…However hard I try to write about you, I am unable to proceed further .. I am actually trying to practice Truth…Let me quote you Einstein, The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources. So my dear friend ( I dint have any other option than to call you) Be CAREFUL.. I heard the authenticated patented articles of other bloggers are posted in your site.
Honey Bee… that’s how you try to project yourself isn’t it? After you continued mails begging.. sorry…asking everyone to go thru your blog…I, on one occasion stumbled upon your blog. In all the years of my living I never thought I would read crackpots….After going thru your blog I feel, Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most
I heard from confidential sources that your mom didn’t eat for 3 full days after giving birth and seeing you …I also understand from the sources that she has become an atheist ever since you were born.. When you were born ... the doctor had come out to the waiting room and said to your father ... I'm very sorry.... We did everything we could ...But she pulled through. Is that true? I just called up to confirm this with your dad.. he was dumbstruck. He thought that this was a great family secret…
Down here at Chennai, we have been wondering how you got a job and how you were retained for such a long time... Its still a surprise for all of us... I read from your blog that its been a long time since your boss has called you or mailed you.. chk your bank account…counter check twice whether your salary has been credited….
Yours loving (actually hating ) friend
Warning:Papa this post is not meant for you, so please shut down your system
I somehow managed to get a confirmation ticket in Rockfort Express but the A/c never worked ..i was so disappointed that the moment the TTE came i gave him my ticket and put on my i pod and went to sleep...the magic happened then.. the train reached Tambaram some new family got into the compartment...this handsome hunk sat just opposite to me....how do i get up now? will he not think that I got up after seeing him. he gave such revolting smile that something inside me was breaking.. was that my ego?
I never believed in Love at first Sight.. but I fell completely for this smarty...Sorry I cant reveal his name ...need to protect his identity...he might get thrashed up by other guys ... I got up as if i got disturbed from my sleep.. see there are times we cannot show what we feel...we gotta makeup things that its just a natural thing..
He had such gleam in his eye and i fell for that... there was another small girl in the same compartment as we were.. in order to avoid watching, instantaneously we started playing with the little girl.. the time was somewhere around 11.00 pm her mom put her to sleep..we didn't have any other go than to sleep contended...as i went to sleep.. i felt something strange..
Oh my God.. was that he? is he standing next to me?... i didn't turn didn't move a bit ... i thought he pulled my long flowing hair... cant a girl beautiful(!... no hard feelings eh) and naive travel in peace....no man is good... my instant feel for him was dying... after that i went to sleep...
Morning as i got up .. he gave the same charming smile, i got down first.. but just couldn't bear the thought that its all train friendship and that i will not be seeing him anymore... he was the next one to get down.. i just carried him and gave him to his mom and kissed him goodbye...
We had been to Watch the movie Unnale Unnale... Nice movie isnt it? This movies has come like a spring.. After watching movies which justifies violence this one has come as a surprise...